Loss of any kind; youth, a person, a relationship, a job, a place, a country, or a love, brings stress. Some people jump the gun and pre-grieve a real or imagined loss. Others have a delayed response. Here are more ideas to help deal loss:

1. CHANGE IS LIFE.

“Something’s lost and something is gained in ling every day.” –Joni Mitchell

You’re a living example of positive change. Baby you is gone yet YOU remain. You lost baby teeth and grew other teeth. The infant YOU grew up and many seasons created the YOU NOW. When you think of an old friend, their memory still lives within you. Recall and feelings about them can comfort you now. Change made you who you are today. Nourishing new experiences enrich your life so you enjoy uplifting adventures as you move through the seasons of your life.

2. FOCUS ON GOOD.

“Don't cry because it's over; be glad it happened.” —Dr. Seuss

Think of the past as your future enhancement. Happy times, funny stories, and lessons learned, and you will embrace a rosier future. Ask yourself; “What have I learned about myself that helps me move forward?” And “What’s it like to take in only the good and let the rest go?” Celebrate each breath, posture, facial expression and energy. Good feelings will stay with you forever as their essences will linger on. AND PLEASE avoid drugs, alcohol or buying into any misleading, medicallized labels like “Major Depressive Disorder” (MDD) muddy the water. You dwell in the land of the living. It’s nature’s way, so take care of yourself during this time.

3. HONOR THE DECEASED.

“When a fleeting star streaks through the blackness turning night to day, make a wish and think of me.” –Robin Williams

If you crossed over tomorrow, you’d want loved ones to think kindly toward you. Right? So, smile on the departed with kindness. Let their special qualities you shared remind you of what you value. You may think of them in the physical world and as simply being elsewhere. Death doesn’t have to be an end point. You can love them forever. If you like, allow yourself to sense their presence and ask; “If you were here, you’d say…” and smile. As you honor any last requests, (even funky ones like “When I die, please update my website.”) let uplifting thoughts move through you as comfort and ease.

You can imagine them at peace surrounded by beauty, guides or angels or think of them as paying you a visit from the other side and note an image, sound, feeling, color, or smell that comes to mind. When this happens, smile and you may just sense them smiling back to you. I like to have a departed loved one “write me a letter” without concern that “I myself is making it up.” Automatic writing, gives me a sense that they are still with me. Some will fully understand and share in your automatic writing celebration while others may not understand the gift of ongoing communication so you don’t have to share it with others if you don’t want to.

4. GOOD GRIEF. Tears are often a release and relief. My three-year-old son out of the blue said “Tears are from islands salty with sea, bringing my pain to the outside of me.” How right he was. Cry enough but not too much because it relieves stress. You can time a pity party and when time’s up, move on... and be productive or do something else.. Encourage healthy expression. The opposite of depression is expression. Express your feelings and notice how a sad emotion morphs to a more peaceful or empowering feeling. The trick is to grieve enough without making it too much. We like to time ourselves to be miserable for five minutes and then do something else.

5. HONOR THE TRUTH. You have the right to be grived or relieved by a departure. Especially if someone took up tremendous energy or was impossible to deal with. It serves you and those around you best when you let any past anger or resentment go and, if you want, forgive them and yourself as you move forward. Your choice.

6. DISTRACT and DETACH.

“What was once enjoyed and deeply loved is never lost because it becomes part of you.” –Helen Keller

Enjoy a thing, location, movement, or information. Be active. Rather than sit around moping, do something fun; get a massage, take a warm bath. Take a walk. Watch a funny movie, or “Whose line is it anyway” or a favorite comedian and notice how positive neutrality and peace follow. When you place a loss as a gaub that puts you in charge of your attirude.

7. THINK OF TIME AS A HEALER

“To heal a wound, you may have to stop touching it.”

However you mourne a loss, know that tension dissipates in time as you let it go. So, take it one day at a time and you notice the subtle improvements. Take it one day at a time; one step at a time, one day at a time and enjoy the good that lives ahead. After all is said and done, the past is just a memory. Your life is now and, right here and now, you choose when you want to fully join the living and embrace the gifts hidden within you. Even if you don’t feel like it, breathe fully, smile, and move your body.

8. START AFRESH

Direct your thoughts to how you want things to be at home, play and work. And, for sure, don’t believe everything you think… Thoughts could easily be fake news so make a plan for clear thinking and a terrific new year. When you think, “We liked to play games; be ready to find others who like to play and you carry on a wonderful tradition.” You might even quest another with an equally bizarre sense of humor. When you do, they’re present in a good way. This helps you to be greatful that you were gifted to share time and space with them and reminds you that you love is forever because it stays “in your heart.”

AFFIRM: “The past inspires my present. The past is my foundation for creating a new happy, and prosperous year. Joy is my compass. You came here on an earth walk for a great reason so enjoy the gifts of being alive. Because you are a growing, maturing indivual, you now can focus on what you dream of. New beautiful dreams now bloom within you.””.

HOW TO HELP ANOTHER FOR GOOD GRIEF

The opposite of depression is expression. LISTEN WELL. You help best when you listen and hear without putting in your two bits. After they’ve said their piece, you can divert them from a negative rabbit hole of beliefs, emotion and unanswered questions of “Why?” “What happened?” “How can I carry on?” Coulda, woulda, shoulda… by asking, “What did the relationship bring that you most enjoyed and valued?” Or you may remind them; “You may have lost them, but you cannot lose YOU.

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Local Personality, Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, PhD is a hypnotherapist, mindfulness and NLP trainer, artist and the author of 25 books. She certifies practitioners through the International Hypnosis Federation. You can call her at 310 541-4844.

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