“What was once enjoyed and deeply loved is never lost because it becomes part of you.” –Helen Keller

Loss of any kind; the year 2023, youth, a person, a relationship, a job, a place, a country, or a love, brings stress if you let it.

Instead AFFIRM: “The past inspires my present. The past is my foundation for creating a new happy, and prosperous year. Joy is my compass.”

These helpful hints invite you to move forward into new adventures:

1. CHANGE IS LIFE.

“Something’s lost and something is gained in ling every day.”

–Joni Mitchell

You’re a living example of positive change. Baby you is gone yet YOU remain. You lost baby teeth and grew other teeth. The infant you grew up and embraced many seasons of YOU.

When you think of an old friend you no longer see… their memory still lives within you. Recall and feelings about them can comfort you now. Change made you who you are today. Nourishing new experiences enrich your life so enjoy uplifting adventures as you move through the seasons of your life.

2. FOCUS ON GOOD.

“Don't cry because it's over; be glad it happened.” —Dr. Seuss

Think of the past as future enhancement. Happy times, funny stories, and lessons learned, enhance your rosier future. Ask yourself; “What have I learned about myself that helps me move forward?And “What’s it like when I take in only the good and let the rest go?”

3. DISTRACT and DETACH.

Enjoy a thing, location, movement, or information. Be active. Rather than sit around moping, do something fun; get a massage, take a warm bath. Take a walk. Watch a funny movie, or “Whose line is it anyway” or a favorite comedian and notice how positive neutrality and peace follow. When you place a loss as a gaub that puts you in charge of your attitude.

4. START AFRESH

Breathe fully, smile, even if you don’t feel like it, move your body. Direct your thoughts to the way you want things to be at home, play and work. And, for sure, don’t believe everything you think… Thoughts could easily be fake news so make a plan for clear thinking and a terrific new year. Take it one day at a time; one step at a time, one day at a time and enjoy the good that lives ahead.

DEAR DEATH: REST IN PEACE.

“When a fleeting star streaks through the blackness turning night into day, make a wish and think of me.” –Robin Williams

These steps are helpful when someone crosses over.

1. BE PREPARED.

Begin now and appreciate the here and now and the beauty of each experience. Celebrate each breath, posture, facial expression and your person’s energy. These good feelings will stay with you forever as their essences and their energy will linger on.

2. HONOR THE DECEASED.

When someone departs, be grateful that you were gifted to share time and space with them. This reminds you that you love is forever because love always stays “in your heart.” If you crossed over tomorrow, you’d want your loved ones to think kindly toward you. Right? So, smile on the departed with kindness.

3. HONOR THE TRUTH

You have the right to be relieved by a departure. Especially if someone took up much energy or was impossible. AND, it serves you and those around you best when you let any anger or resentment go. If you want you can forgive them and yourself as you move forward. Your choice.

4. THINK OF TIME AS A HEALER

“To heal a wound, sometimes you have to stop touching it.”

You choose your style. Some people jump the gun and pre-grieve a real or imagined loss. Others have a delayed response.

However you mourne a loss, know that tension will dissipate in time when you let it. So, take it one day at a time and notice subtle improvements in your new ways of becoming.

AND PLEASE avoid drugs, alcohol or buying into any misleading, medicallized labels like “Major Depressive Disorder” or MDD which often muddies the water. You dwell in the land of the living. It is nature’s way so take care of yourself during this time.

After all is said and done, the past is just a memory. Your life is now and, right here and now, you choose when you want to fully join the living and embrace the gifts hidden within you.

5. BE OPEN TO ENERGIES

Death doesn’t have to be an end point. If you like, allow yourself to sense their presence and ask; “If you were here, you’d say…” and smile.

Think of them in the physical world and as simply being elsewhere. When you do, they’re present in a good way.

Or, imagine them paying you a visit from the other side and note an image, sound, feeling, color, or smell that comes to mind. When this happens smile and you may very well sense them smiling back to you.

I like to have a deceased love one “write me a letter” without concern that “I myself is making this up.” Automatic writing for me gives me a real sense that they are still with me. Not everyone will understand the gift of this ongoing communication so you don’t have to share it with others if you don’t want to. Still some will fully understand and share in your automatic writing celebration.

As you honor any last requests, (even funky ones like “When I die, please update my website.”) let thoughts of them move through you as comfort and ease.

You can imagine them at peace surrounded by beauty or guides and angels and you can think of how the departed made you a far better person.

Special qualities you shared with them remind you of what you value. When you think “We liked to play games; be ready to find others who like to play and you carry on a wonderful tradition.” You might even get to quest another with an equally bizarre sense of humor.

HOW TO HELP ANOTHER FOR GOOD GRIEF

When you console someone in grief, you enter a rabbit hole of beliefs, emotion and their unanswered questions of “Why?” “What happened?” “How can I carry on?” Coulda, woulda, shoulda… accompanying grief the person may naturally experience a loss of interest, appetite, and energy. They may have issues with sleep or going to work.

You help them best when you

1. Listen well

2. Choose your words wisely.

3. Encourage healthy expression.

The opposite of depression is expression. Express your feelings and notice how sad emotion morphs to a more peaceful or empowering feeling. The trick is to grieve enough without making it too much. We like to time ourselves to be miserable for five minutes and then do something else.

Ask, 'What did my relationship bring that I so enjoyed and valued?” and let that value come to life in new relationships. Then imagine, feel, see, hear, smell, taste and intuit yourself creating situations you enjoy. There are so many possibilites for doing all the things you like for yourself and with others.

Tears are often a release and relief. My three-year-old son out of the blue said “Tears are from islands salty with sea, bringing my pain to the outside of me.” How right he was.

If needed, encourage them to cry enough but not too much because it relieves stress. You can time a pity party and when time’s up, move on... and be productive or do something else..

Remind them that “You may have lost them, but you cannot lose YOU. You came here on an earth walk for a great reason so enjoy the gifts of being alive. Because you are a growing, maturing individual, you now can focus on what you dream of. New beautiful dreams now bloom within you.

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Local Personality, Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, PhD is a hypnotherapist, mindfulness and NLP trainer, artist and the author of 25 books. She certifies practitioners through the International Hypnosis Federation. You can call her at 310 541-4844.