Direct and Indirect Communication By Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, PhD - International Hypnosis Federation President, Author, Artist and More
When my son was three, I said “Bryce, let’s hit the road and I got in the car. He didn’t follow. Instead, he was in the driveway with a stick. “What are you doing son?” I asked, “I’m hitting the road, Mommy.” My son is a literal kind of guy and like other direct communicators, he hears it and says it like it is!
Direct communicators cut to the chase. They take something in and decide to comply and, if they disagree, they tell you so.
Indirect communicators are more oblique and offer cautious communication to hedge their bets. They take in an implied message and do it or they may internally stew about it if they disagree.
To know your style, listen to how you speak to yourself. Are you direct or indirect? Literal or inferred? Do you command yourself “Just do it!” or do you say, “How nice it feels to do get it done?”
Discerning the difference between these two styles is really helpful when you want happy results, know to whom you speaking and assess how they do it!
Are they a literal listener? If so, cut to the chase and ask them directly. For example, if you tell them “Your clothes need to be put away by two pm” and “Go, comb your hair,” they'll hear the instruction and more likely do it.
If they’re an inferred listener, imply what you want for results. A gentler “It’s so nice when you put your clothes away” or “Did your comb your hair with an eggbeater?” will more likely cue the inferential listener to take action.
To be user friendly boils down to being a GOOD LISTENER to yourself and others and then tailoring your request to serve them best. A well-placed outgoing message to a specific recipient develops rapport and results. If you get it wrong… you can build resentment and not rapport. Of course, this can be a challenge at home or work with different people with different styles. One may be compelled to do something even if the message is vague whereas the other may need very specific.
BOTTOM LINE: Inferential communicators give hints or clues about what they think and feel and offer roundabout responses this may wear patience thin, so they may need to be more bravely forthcoming with what they want and need. Literal speakers may seem to lack tact so they may need to temper their tongue with a respectful tone.
Local Personality, Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, PhD is a hypnotherapist, mindfulness and NLP trainer, artist and the author of 25 books. She certifies practitioners through the International Hypnosis Federation. You can call her at 310 541-4844.
