The Rescue Racket: Insult to Injury

By Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, PhD - International Hypnosis Federation President, Author, Artist and More

A rescuer becomes responsible for every one but themself.

A 600-pound person begs the good doctor for bypass surgery, “You must lose 100+ pounds to be considered for the procedure,” they’re told; TV gold! A few bite the bullet–rather than biting so much food– and lose 100+ pounds to get the surgery. Bravo.
Those who go by the wayside generally have an “obesity accomplice” to procure the food and drink to sustain 600 pounds. A well-meaning rescuer is a full-fledged participant in the victim trap who, in fact, makes any addiction or compulsion worse. If you attempt to control or live someone else’s life, and not your own, you are both diverted from self-respect. Self-actualization only happens when you are re-sponse-able for your actions and afford others the same courtesy.

If a rescue racket rings a bell;

DO THIS! ASK YOURSELF:

“What’s my payoff for stepping in and playing safety net?”

Then pay close attention to your answer.

Do you seek approval?

Do you dig controlling, playing the authority or boss?

Does rescuing give you something to do?

Does it keep you from loneliness?

Is it a way to assuage guilt?

Is it a cop out from being proactive in your own life?

Do you rationalize and tell yourself; “If I help them out, THIS TIME, finally, they’ll get it and be responsible.” Or “If I don’t bail them out, who will?” Enough already! Bottom line… If you sincerely want to help someone, learn and teach self-empowerment and responsibility. Children of all ages, including YOU must learn:

“Whose problem is this?”

“What you choose to think and do creates your consequences.”

Heart-felt love requires you to step back to give someone space to face consequences and take responsibility to do the right thing. So stand up, speak up and convey how serious you are about self-responsibility: “I’m sorry you lost your money (mate, health, got arrested, blew your cork… are having to change your eating habits) and I will no longer rescue you (by giving you money, bringing junk food or whatever). That won’t work for me.”

“Pay back the loan or do what needs to be done. I’m only available to support you to take charge of your actions and reactions. And one more thing, I will not tolerate poor behavior or abuse from you or anyone else, including myself.”

AFFIRM: “I kindly hold others capable to make their own choices and face consequences for those choices. I keep clear boundaries and am re-sponse-able for what I think, say and do, I allow you to attend to your own needs. I offer neutral support as a healthy role model. I support you to solve your own problems.”

It all boils down to this: What you think, say and do is best when it leads you and others to take charge of their life. And don’t be surprised if manipulator resents limits and looks elsewhere for an easy touch.

Dr. Shelley is teaching self-hypnosis to first responders, and taking a group to Sedona April 5-8 for a certification class in

Past Life Regression Journeys.

Dr. Shelley can be reached at: 310 541-4844.

Subscribe Free to Palos Verdes Pulse

Local Personality, Shelley Stockwell-Nicholas, PhD is a hypnotherapist, mindfulness and NLP trainer, artist and the author of 25 books. She certifies practitioners through the International Hypnosis Federation. You can call her at 310 541-4844.