“How to Mix & Mingle” Socializing Skills for Shrinking Violets & Social Butterflies

By Renowned Beverly Hills Manners Expert Lisa Gaché

Visiting my college-aged daughter in New York as we’re coming out of Covid was the perfect time to put my social expertise to the test. We had a full schedule planned for my five day stay, lots of opportunity to practice mixing and mingling with everyone from her dorm mates at school to the maître d' at restaurants.

I noticed a big difference from my previous trip to The Big Apple just two months prior. The streets were busier, stores kept a steady flow and eateries were packed, both outside and in, proving at long last the city that never sleeps was returning to its old self. Having been hit the hardest at the beginning of the pandemic, it was exciting to see firsthand people out and about enjoying a lunch with friends or meeting for a movie at a neighborhood theater.

Springtime is actually a perfect occasion to get outside and start socializing. The weather is warmer, flowers are beginning to bloom and there’s a hopeful feeling in the air. And after a yearlong social sabbatical, we all could benefit from a refresher on how to break the ice, keep a conversation going, and establish meaningful connections.

Whether a shrinking violet or a social butterfly, there is a formula to feeling confident in social settings. Having these etiquette tools in your pocket makes all the difference as to whether you’ll sit on the sidelines watching or be an active participant fully engaged and thriving. Here are a few simple steps to maximize your mixing and mingling skills when the opportunity arises.

Eat a Light Bite Beforehand. Practically every social event involves eating and drinking so it’s important to have a light bite of something beforehand so that you are satiated and will not be starving. This takes the edge off and will ensure that your focus is on circulating and meeting new people rather than on how much food or beverages you will consume.

Act as if You Belong. There is nothing more powerful than the feeling of confidence when you enter a room. Acting as if you belong allows you to internalize a warm feeling of welcome and exude outward self-assurance to others. Pause for a moment if you can before entering a room or walking through the door to ensure you put your best foot forward.

Break the Ice. Upon arriving any new setting, scan the crowd for key people you would like to make contact with. Smile warmly at anyone who meets your eye. Perhaps you see a friend or peer or someone you may not know, but would like to meet. Approach them slowly as if you have all the time in the world and nowhere else you’d rather be.

Extend a Greeting to Everyone. We’re not quite ready to resume handshaking, but exchanging a friendly hello to all is key to any introduction . A simple greeting consists of a three part process that involves a friendly smile, direct eye contact, and full frontal body language. Take your time, this should not be a rushed process. When we stop and give people the respect of our undivided attention everyone is automatically put at ease.

Look for an Opening. Start by approaching a small group of people who've left some physical space for newcomers. If they're in the middle of a conversation, walk up and just listen for a while. Wait for a break to introduce yourself and then slowly begin engaging by adding commentary of your own until you become an equal contributor to the conversation.

Maintain Personal Space and Social Distance. Before Covid when conversing, the ideal distance between people was about 18 inches apart (an arm’s length) to allow others their sphere of personal space. Now we must stand at least six feet apart (although I think the CDC just reduced that number to three). And while we’re still wearing masks, just be sure to speak audibly and clearly so that people do not have to lean in too much to hear you.

Be a Good Listener. A good conversation begins with active listening. Remember we have only one mouth and two ears for a reason – this reminds us to listen more than we speak. Ask considerate questions that prompt thoughtful answers. This is an excellent way to express genuine interest. Stay present so that you are not showing signs of boredom or preparing what to say next in your head.

Make Riveting Conversation. The key to riveting conversation is to be equal parts interesting and interested. Prior to any social outing, brush up on current events, local culture and the latest in sports, weather, movies, books and music. People love to be around those who have something to talk about and know how to keep the conversation cheery as well as intelligent.

Work the Room. Social settings are meant to spend time with people we know, but also ideal occasions to make connections with as many new people as possible. When working the room in smaller gatherings, it is best to circulate and engage in conversation with everyone. For larger gatherings, focus on a few key people to prevent feeling overwhelmed. Look for those who seem approachable, walk over and introduce yourself, then begin a conversation.

Ending a Conversation. A graceful ending is just as important as an elegant introduction. Before parting, take a moment to express how much you enjoyed meeting. This is the time to exchange information if you would like to remain in contact, otherwise a cordial, “It was really nice meeting you” will leave a lasting and upbeat impression.

Founder and CEO of Beverly Hills Manners, Lisa Gaché is a nationally recognized etiquette coach and lifestyle expert. She provides practical modern day solutions and helps clients use the power of social intelligence to enhance their lives, both personally and professionally.

Featured on national television (The Today Show, Access Hollywood, Dr. Phil) and in print media (USA Today, New York Times, The Hollywood Reporter, The Telegraph), Ms. Gaché received her certification as a Corporate Etiquette and International Protocol Consultant from The Protocol School of Washington along with a mark of distinction from The English Manner in London.

Lisa’s book, Beverly Hills Manners: Golden Rules from the World’s Most Glamorous Zip Code, published November 2014, is the go-to-guide for parents and Saudi princesses, NFL coaches and Oscar nominees. She is currently working on big vision to bring these crucial life tools and social change to the world. For further information, please contact www.beverlyhillsmanners.com.