No Reply at All: Stop Sitting By the Phone and Losing Sleep Over Unreturned Calls & Emails By Lisa Gaché
No Reply at All: Stop Sitting By the Phone and Losing Sleep Over Unreturned Calls & Emails
By Lisa Gaché
It's happened to me more times than I care to remember. I reach the voicemail of a colleague’s phone excited to share a business idea that I believe is a win/win for both of us and then never hear back. I email a fellow entrepreneur I admire with a request to meet for a coffee and catch up only to have my gracious offer fall on deaf ears. And this doesn’t just occur in my professional life. I’ll call a friend I haven’t seen in a while genuinely eager to reconnect and then place a personal bet as to how long it will take before (or, if) they’ll return the sentiment.
We lob calls and shoot emails that fade into the ether as frequently as socks that go missing in the wash. Sometimes, the rate of return makes me question whether these connections are totally one-sided. I wonder - did I do something wrong? Did I offend anyone accidentally? Otherwise, why aren’t I worthy of the two seconds it takes to respond? And, who are the lucky ones who always receive a reply? Does Oprah ever sit by the phone or lose sleep over an unreturned email? Do only A-listers and mega-moguls get answers?
If I’m being perfectly honest, I’m sure I’m just as guilty of this as the next guy (girl). It’s literally impossible to stay on top of every personal and professional relationship equally in today’s world – even during a Covid shut down. Life goes on. People are busy. I get it.
But I will say, that being a student of etiquette, I do try my darndest to send a response even if a few people accidentally fall through the cracks. (I’m still human.) It’s a very small world after all and we never want to burn a bridge. Better to leave the door open and try these five tips to keep your relationships intact whether or not you receive the courtesy of a reply.
Give people the benefit of the doubt. I always advise taking a good look at your part of the equation first, meaning double check everything on your end before placing blame on others. Did you send the email to the right address? I’ve typed an address by phone without wearing my glasses only to discover it went to the wrong recipient. Did the email go directly to the Junk folder? My computer filter has sent countless legitimate emails there by mistake! Did the person finally ditch their AOL address in favor of Gmail? Or, if you called someone and they haven’t responded back could it be that they’re dealing with a major life crisis or a particular challenge they’re keeping insanely private? You never know, everyone deserves a little extra slack.
Make your motive crystal clear. Statistics show we receive around 130 emails per day and only 20-40% are opened. The more concise we are the greater chance we’ll have of receiving a response. Plus, nothing drives people crazier than a caller who leaves a taunting message without any real detail, “You’ll never believe what just happened?” or a vague email with a subject line that reads “hello” or worse, no subject line whatsoever! If you want a guaranteed reply, be specific and show the recipient what’s in it for them. That should garner some type of reaction.
Keep an organized follow up system. I have to admit, I’m not great at doing this myself. I’ll send an email or place a call to someone with every good intention of connecting back and then completely forget, rather than using a calendar feature to prompt me to follow up a week later. While we really should try to reply between 24-48 hours of receipt, it’s polite to give others at least a week to return an email or call. In the business world, you can’t go wrong with checking in on a Tuesday. I also like reconnecting on a Thursday rather than a Friday when many people are already operating in weekend mode. In terms of the best times to reach someone, I think most would agree that 11:00am or 2:00pm is an ideal time to touch base any day of the week.
Note the difference between persistence and pestering. After you’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt and connected back with a follow up email or call, it’s time to do some internal investigating. There’s a definite line you don’t want to cross between being persistent and being a pest. Comparably to remembering names, we tend to get back to the people we care about most, or those we need something from, or who can help us. You can’t teach common courtesy and there’s no point in chastising a person for ghosting you. Occasionally, persistence does pay and after the third email to a client they actually thank you for getting their attention (but these moments are less common). However, if you reach out to a friend and they never call back, feel good about yourself for making an attempt and remember life is long, never write anyone off.
They’re just not that into you, don’t take it personally. Finally, work and social relationships are just like romantic ones. You can’t take every single one personally. If someone isn’t responding, they may be overwhelmed and unable to handle anything else on their plate, the timing may not be ideal, or, worst case scenario, they’re just not that into you and would rather just avoid contact altogether. If any of these scenarios sound familiar, you have to just let it go. Forcing the issue will most likely backfire and only cause regret. Move forward and carry on. Don’t let one person chip away at your good nature.
Lisa Gaché
Featured on national television (The Today Show, Access Hollywood, Dr. Phil) and in print media (USA Today, New York Times, The Hollywood Reporter, The Telegraph), Ms. Gaché received her certification as a Corporate Etiquette and International Protocol Consultant from The Protocol School of Washington along with a mark of distinction from The English Manner in London.
Lisa’s book, Beverly Hills Manners: Golden Rules from the World’s Most Glamorous Zip Code, published November 2014, is the go-to-guide for parents and Saudi princesses, NFL coaches and Oscar nominees. She is currently working on big vision to bring these crucial life tools and social change to the world. For further information, please contact www.beverlyhillsmanners.com.