“Do You Poop Out at Parties? Are You Unpoopular?” – Seven Social Skills to Be the Life of the Party

by Beverly Hills Manners Expert Lisa Gaché

Growing up, I absolutely loved watching “I Love Lucy.” Lucille Ball was the quintessential comedian. Hilarious and quick-witted, stylish and graceful with never a hair out of place. I used to dream of growing up in the fabulous fifties. The good ole days when women got dressed up to go to the corner store and where dinner at a friend’s apartment was an elegant affair.

I’ll never forget the night I saw Ms. Ball in person. My dad took the family to dinner at a members-only club called Pips in Beverly Hills. He was one of the elite invited to be part of the private restaurant, backgammon club, and nightclub regularly frequented by Hollywood celebrities, athletes and foreign royalty at the time. There was Lucy clearly in her happy place. She was dressed to the nines with her long-painted fingernails, cigarette in hand and hosting her table like one of the owners. That was one of my first major celebrity sightings growing up in this town and I was completely mesmerized.

As a devoted fan, I knew every episode of the long-running series including one of her most iconic – Vitameatavegamin. This was Lucy at her best. It centered around a healthy tonic that was the perfect cure for those who “poop out at parties” and feel “unpopular.” Just one spoonful of the magic potion and you’d be instantaneously transformed from lifeless dud into the life of the party!

Since the pandemic, we’re all a bit out of social shape. With keeping our social distance and communicating mostly online, our interpersonal skills are bound to be rusty. Anyone of us could benefit from a magic concoction to feel more comfortable and confident in all kinds of social situations, particularly at holiday time when we’re more likely to get together.

Surprisingly, the mere thought of going out can create a great deal of social anxiety for some. They become nervous or self-conscious, even embarrassed, or painfully shy. They worry about what to wear, making conversation, meeting new people, and sometimes the pressure is unbearable. Often, they fear being scrutinized or judged and they would rather avoid the situation altogether than worry about showing up and impressing others.

My friends know I’m always up for a party. I absolutely love celebrations of all kinds. Dinner parties, holiday parties, tea parties, Tupperware parties, you name it. Just mention the word party and I’m there with bells on, but that doesn’t mean that I always feel my most calm, cool and collected. There are more times than I prefer to count where I’ve left the house thinking I was a total superstar only to arrive at my destination and suffer from concerns of inadequacy. Thankfully, those times have become far less frequent. Now after years of working on myself and using the tools I teach as an etiquette instructor, I’ve successfully learned how to quash these feelings the moment they occur and reach for my imaginary manners tool belt to help get me over the hump of fear and into the zone of having fun.

Here is a list of 7 tips I find to be extremely useful in social situations that not only guarantee a positive impression with others, but also support you in feeling your most fabulous.

Get the Party Started Right. Feeling great starts with looking great. Think of it this way, your choice of attire is your protective armor to set the tone. Take into consideration the suggested dress code and season. Is it a formal party, is it casual or costume? Will the party be outside where I will need a coat or inside where I will be more comfortable? Dressing appropriately for the occasion not only shows respect for yourself, it is respectful to others because it shows pride in how you look when you move about your world. Plus, putting effort into your presentation will be one less thing you have to worry about and will certainly help you feel your most confident self in any social situation.

Forget Your Troubles and Get Happy! Once you’ve made the effort to look the part, you must then act the part. If you have troubles, no problem, just wrap them up and set them on the shelf before you leave the house. Trust me, a little distance will do you good and you can always deal with them upon your return. A party is a happy occasion and therefore it is your duty to turn on the charm and let your mood and attitude reflect the celebration about to take place. Wear a warm and inviting smile on your face to make yourself approachable. Be inclusive, introduce yourself to friends and engage in lively and upbeat conversation (even with a mask on). Tune out the self-conscious noise in your head and throw yourself into an activity. Dancing is the perfect remedy for this.

Never Show Up Empty-Handed. It is a privilege to be invited to a party or social situation of any kind. Remember to acknowledge your host and offer a token of appreciation. Arriving with a gift in hand provides you with something to do when you first reach your destination. For a dinner party, a bouquet of flowers in a vase, a bottle of wine or a homemade item on a pretty platter as always welcome. For the holidays, a scented candle that smells like a crisp fall day or a pine tree or a cozy throw for the couch are easy go-to gifts. Regardless of your selection, it is of course the sentiment that counts. Just be sure to keep the recipient in mind when making your selection.

Be Equal Parts Interesting and Interested. You are invited to a party because your host finds you interesting and you may be called upon to entertain in the form of providing witty repartee or fascinating conversation. In order to hold your own on any number of topics outside of politics, a quick brush up on current events is in order. A few days before the party or social event, check out your local newspaper for happenings, go online to scope out other local news and events, even look at the 5-day forecast. Our weather is always a great topic of conversation. Remember a conversation is a two-way street. Don’t hijack it and refrain from giving just a one-word answer. Your goal is to be equal parts interesting as an individual and genuinely interested in others.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone. Making conversation at a party where you only know the host is exceptionally terrifying for a number of people. How in the world do you walk up to a perfect stranger and initiate small talk? Well, here are two easy tips. The first, is to pay someone a compliment. Approach a person you’d like to meet and comment on something basic such as their shoes, nail polish color or the pattern of their tie. Keep it friendly, not familiar. A compliment will automatically break the ice and put a smile on a face. The second tip is to ask someone a question. A great opener is to ask the person how they know the host? Just be sure to be nice, not nosy. People love to talk about themselves and if you ask them a question, they will feel you are sincerely interested in them and they will appreciate you for it.

Mix and Mingle Like a Pro. Statistics have shown that only 7% of our communication is verbal and that 38% is focused on our intonation and the sound of our voice. The remaining chunk of communication, a whopping 55%, is devoted purely to body language. What this tells us is that the impression we make on others begins, not when we first open our mouths, but with our posture, our breathing, and our movement. When engaged in conversation, it is crucial to be present and give the person you are speaking to your undivided attention. To convey interest and make the other person feel most at ease, make good eye contact and try to mirror their actions and gestures naturally. To wind down a conversation, slightly adjust your gaze and body language. This is a non-verbal signal that lets the other person know you are getting ready to move on.

Depart Discretely and Thank Your Host. A great deal of effort goes into a party. The last thing you want to do is depart early and set off a domino effect of copycats that will upset your host. At large parties, it is easy to slip out without announcing your departure. This is called the “French leave” and it is perfectly acceptable. For smaller parties, it is critical to thank your host personally for the wonderful time you had prior to departing. After the party is completed, nothing screams social intelligence like a thoughtfully written note of thanks. This classy gesture pretty much guarantees a spot on the guest list again in the future.

Sign up for one of Lisa’s upcoming Social Intelligence workshops here: www.beverlyhillsmanners.com.

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Founder and CEO of Beverly Hills Manners, Lisa Gaché is a nationally recognized etiquette coach and lifestyle expert. She provides practical modern day solutions and helps clients use the power of social intelligence to enhance their lives, both personally and professionally.

Featured on national television (The Today Show, Access Hollywood, Dr. Phil) and in print media (USA Today, New York Times, The Hollywood Reporter, The Telegraph), Ms. Gaché received her certification as a Corporate Etiquette and International Protocol Consultant from The Protocol School of Washington along with a mark of distinction from The English Manner in London.

Lisa’s book, Beverly Hills Manners: Golden Rules from the World’s Most Glamorous Zip Code, published November 2014, is the go-to-guide for parents and Saudi princesses, NFL coaches and Oscar nominees. She is currently working on big vision to bring these crucial life tools and social change to the world. For further information, please contact www.beverlyhillsmanners.com.